College Sex Talk

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A student from Louisiana Tech wants to know.....

I've been sort of seeing this guy for a while. I had been seeing him last year, but we decided to break it off for the summer. I hadn't planned on seeing him this year as anything other than friends. But when I first saw him in September I was still attracted to him. I wouldn't even classify our relationship as dating - we just have sex. That's not at all what I want. I tried talking to him a little last year about what I wanted but it didn't do any good. It's either his way or no way. I'm almost positive that all he wants is sex, but I want something more. Lately I've been thinking a lot about my past relationships and I've been feeling very regretful. I don't know what to do.

Female, Junior

Dr. Caron's Response:

As you describe this relationship, I find it difficult to imagine what real satisfactions and joys there can be for you in this. You say, "It's either his way or no way," indicating your relationship is on his terms only. What about your terms? You also state, "That's not at all what I want." So why continue the relationship? How about making YOU a priority. A good relationship is a relationship of equals - both of whom care about and respect the well-being of the other. The relationship you describe sounds very superficial. It sounds like you're looking for something different - a relationship with some depth or real intimacy - and you're not finding it in this one. You may want to consider ending this relationship and seeking one that is more in line with your own interests and desires. Before entering a new relationship, I would suggest you spend some time thinking about what you really want in a relationship with another person. It's important that we think through our dream about what makes a love relationship - then maybe it can become a reality.

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